I recently have been pondering the meaning of living as well as searching for the substance of the soul in my life. What fills me up? As a college student I am constantly asked to question my future. What does it hold? Where will I be? What will I be doing? As these ponderings rush through my head I am swept up into a whirlwind of possibilities, a wonderful weightless disappearance into the world of tomorrow and as my feet touch down I am given to following them out. But what merit do they hold? What could I possibly gain from following a single one of my future aspirations? Fame… Glory… Riches… A sense of pride and self worth? These are ideas constantly fed to me by the elders around me.
I have bought into an idea for as long as I can remember, that I would be happy as long as I am pursuing something. That I am achieving the greatest platform of my existence while on the path of driven motivated action. It happens so subtly. As if a foggy dream world slowly slipped in over me when I was sleeping and instead of reality filling me up I am lost pursuing foggy shadows of a world with meaning unto itself. I discovered a lack of meaning associated with a lack of pursuit. In other words if I wasn’t doing I wasn’t valuable, and this theory is taught to us by every facet of human existence.
If we are not achieving than we are committing ourselves to laziness and will become that man on the side of the street that does absolutely nothing with his life. I find this model very disturbing for several reasons. First of all it bases our structure of fulfillment on ever-changing variables in the sense that what we are taught to value is always changing. Whether that be our own changing desires and dreams, or the ever changing industry or vehicle of our achievement. The basis for our fulfillment is on an ever- shifting platform of uneasy footing. Secondly I do not believe that my greatest fulfillment comes in a moment of my own doing; that the highest form of success is tied up in in the standards put forth by those around me.
I have realized that it is easy to become engrained in the tide of humanity rushing for this concept. It is very fulfilling to accomplish something and I am not proposing that an accomplishment in and of itself is bad; however, when accomplishing becomes our fulfillment we have crossed a line. Crossing that line puts us in a slowly deteriorating system of thought that drains us of our willpower, sucks us into repetitive action, and drags us down into confusion disorientation and a feeling of emptiness. At the end of the day I want to be able to sit there, do nothing, and feel content complete and fulfilled. I can often feel this way when I have had a very productive day, and the desire to work is God given, but fulfillment comes from a source outside of ourselves, not from achievement. My priorities need to be in alignment in order for me to live life to the fullest and to achieve a consistent productive sense of living. Not productive in terms of the worlds elaborate structure of doing, but productive in the areas of, Jesus, Family, and Relationship. If I base my fulfillment on a rock unmoving than I will be more likely to succeed in my other pursuits and I will have lived a life worth living. I refuse to be locked in a constantly shifting sense of fulfillment. I will focus on what really matters, so that I will never become confined to the ideal of success taught to me by my surroundings, and I will transcend doing and achieve true fulfillment in the ideal of relationship.